well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
What a dumb baby whore.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
