i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
