theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
