That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
