Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
