Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
