so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
