Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You don't make any sense
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