I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
