I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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