he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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