In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
