i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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