I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
