oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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