i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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