Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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