I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
