She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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