Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
