WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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