I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
