It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize