Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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