Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
