Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
