Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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