so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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