Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize