i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I am spending my child support on dildos
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
