Four minutes until I can fart!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
