Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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