I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
