your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
