nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
