I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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