believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
