She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
