You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
