What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I understand Curling. That high.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
