My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
