I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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