Can Purell be used as lube?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
