I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
