no, he came in my armpit
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
