Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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