I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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