Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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