i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
