i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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