Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
