dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Last time i carry you out of a forest
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
