My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
do nipples grow back?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
