just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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