okay pat passed out under dana's car
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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