I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
