wat bout pragnant strippers??
I cockslap morals
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I am one with the molecules
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
