The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
