would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
