omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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