Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
