I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
