She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Green mimosas i think yes
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
