He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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