I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
