woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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