Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
