I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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